I’ve shared so much supposed “wisdom” on this blog. I claimed to follow the Universe’s lead and listen to my Soul. But here I am again: Overwhelmed and overwrought without enough time to make a phone call or post a blog. How does this keep happening?
Today as I write this, I feel so out of balance. Sadness seems to have consumed me and I’m fighting it. Two years ago yesterday my nephew died. And next week it will be two years since my brother died. I’m thinking about death a lot. I’m afraid of losing people I really love. I believe there is more after this life but I don’t “KNOW.” I want to KNOW for SURE without any doubts. But I guess none of us have that. Some folks claim to believe/know but that’s generally BS. Most of us (ALL?) faced with death will still be afraid.
Life is short. Too damn short. I want to squeeze so much into it…and squeeze so much out of it. I’m wringing the hell out life! But it’s too much. . . . I’m trying too hard. Days are cluttered and I can’t really focus on the things that matter.
What really matters? What are those shiny moments? What makes me happy?
When I think of HAPPY…
I think of my dogs… and cats…family…friends…running…laughing…food…
Life is too short to be anything but happy. Love deeply, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything with no regrets and forget the past with exception of what you have learned and remember everything happens for a reason. (anonymous)
And do what YOU want to do…not what you think you SHOULD do or what you think others expect you to do. Say NO to those things that steal your energy. Say YES to the things that make your heart happy.
For now, I just want to sit on my porch and watch hummingbirds.
Bella has a cozy spot where she feels safe and secure. It’s inside one of the best cat inventions yet: the pop-open kitty cube. When the house gets crazy, and the dogs act like wild ones, she goes to this hiding spot. Sometimes, all curled up, she seems almost smug in her little corner of the world.
I find myself smug like that sometimes. Secure in my little world, sure of myself and my knowledge. But if somebody messes with my cube, I get angry.
So often Sparky tries to play with Bella while she’s happily purring in her cube. And equally often he ends up with a claw on the nose and . . . occasionally he gets his head stuck. But it never seems to bother him….he just runs around the house, quite proud of himself and his newest accessory. Very stylish in the dog world, I hear.
The other day I found myself in an argument. I was 150% sure that I was right. I didn’t doubt myself for a moment. When somebody attempted to correct me, I turned vicious, throwing some profanity into my defense.
I was no longer sweet little Bella curled up in my cube. I discovered I was wrong and my head was stuck in the cube. There was my denying it…my head was completely STUCK! I swallowed hard and then decided to sit in silence, brewing and fuming in my “wrongness” and trying to find a reason…an excuse or maybe a loophole.
Periscoping my red face out of my cube, I glanced around the room. Yep, they were watching…oh woe is me. What do I do now? I look like a fool. I look ridiculous!
*GULP* I swallowed that big bitter lump of pride and…I wore the cube with grace…I said THOSE words…
I WAS WRONG!
And it wasn’t that bad…actually it felt kinda good. Almost like a relief. I don’t have to be infallible. I can be human. I was wrong and the ceiling didn’t cave in around me ears. The room of people didn’t laugh at me.
I was wrong! I was wrong!
WOW! I look good in a cube. I’m kinda cute in my humanness/dogness.
So like Sparky, I just pranced around the room with my cube around my neck, wagging my tail the rest of the day.
I’m not really sure what’s going on lately but SOMEBODY out there is trying to get me wake up and pay attention. Seems each day presents a new lesson.
I’m new to this blogging business and I’ll probably be the only person to ever read this but at least I’ll be able to track these lessons and miracles of synchronicity.
Guess I’ll start with the title…When I grow up, I want to be a dog. The other morning I was running and started thinking about how wonderful life would be if I could go into each day as if that day was the first day of school. Each morning, I’d start with sharpened pencils and a mind open to new adventures. I’d walk through my life ready to make new friends at every turn. I’d join clubs and take naps and get outside during recess regardless of the weather. Each moment would be be exciting!
And then I saw it…the meme that made me realize my spiritual goal in this life: I want to grow up to be a dog!
“We live our lives as if nothing is a miracle, dogs live their lives as if everything is a miracle.”
Quote by aplacetolovedogs.com Read more at http://www.aplacetolovedogs.com/2010/05/dogs-inspirational-original-2/1486590638/#AJHVfIkyFCUuuGzI.99
So that’s the goal… to seek miracles. NO – not “seek”…to SEE miracles. The miracles are there. I just have to wake up and see them. And so I’ll share miracles here and lessons I’m learning. I’ll try to be honest as I’m capable of being. Of course, the dog version of me would be perfectly belly-up, butt-sniffing honest. I’m working on it.