The November sky was a winter sky – painted every shade of gray with the wind’s brushstrokes leaving interesting patterns. The huge white stones in the pasture looked like sheep resting in field, a scene from Ballykissangel. Three dogs pulled at their leashes, happily bouncing along the pasture trail. But I was missing so much of it because I kept glancing at my Garmin. My pace was too slow. I was frustrated as the dogs kept stopping to sniff…or to pee…or listen for rabbits…
The struggle to control the run was overwhelming…and was just a reflection of how I try to control every aspect of my life. This is what drowning might feel like. Fighting the current never helps. You have to let go and just float. I’ve never been a fan of floating – always afraid of that loss of control. But the old ways aren’t working any longer so I need to find a new way. I’m going float more and race less.
My knee is giving me problems again so my running is suffering. Instead of getting angry with my body, I’m allowing myself to run slowly or not run at all. I’m allowing myself to walk when I need to. And I’m leaving my Garmin watch at home. I’m not tracking pace or mileage. I’m just moving. I’m not posting miles on MapMyRun and I don’t know if I’ll ever enter another race.
Shifting away from all these measures, scales, watches and clocks, I have to a chance to float freely…no guides, no maps, no public input. Just me. I eat when I’m hungry. I run when I want to run. I smile when I feel like smiling…and cry when I feel like crying. Floating along in my simple river…
This is my river…my beautiful, mossy, messy river.
My theory of reality/existence is based on personal experiences..on overwhelming feelings of oneness that changed me forever. Here is my take on…well…everything:
Once upon a time there was NOTHING except Supreme Love – God – Higher Power – Divine Beloved – the Creator – whatever you want to call Him/Her/It. Since nothing else existed, this Creator had only its own “essence” to work with…and S/he exploded (BIG BANG) into fragments that became ALL THAT IS.
So every star, every planet, every piece of stardust is a piece of God. And to take it even farther…every being is a piece of God. Each cell is a piece of God…each atom.
In the Old Testament God is called I AM! God ultimately IS…ALL THAT IS.
At the end of Yoga class, we use the phrase Namaste: the divine in me sees the divine in you.
So here’s another thought that really blows my mind…99.999999% of each atom is empty space. So we are mostly empty space. We are empty space moving through empty space with a tiny fraction of matter… *note – this is not exactly accurate. See more information below if you’re interested.
What keeps us from merging into one another? Only electrostatic fields.
When I sit back under my Bodhi tree and contemplate all this, I start to see that we really are all connected. There is only a vagueness that separates me from you. Remember in psychology classes when we were taught that babies cannot distinguish between themselves and their environments…well, maybe babies are right.
What if there is such a thing as reincarnation but with a twist? We are EACH and EVERY being – we are the killer and the one being killed, we are the mother and we are the child, we are the lover, the beloved, and the hater…we are the Democrat and the Republican, the Christian, the Jew, the Muslim, the Pagan…we are the calf that is slaughtered and butchered and we are the one consuming the flesh…
Our karma means living all sides of all actions. Our hell is created by us for us. BUT we are also our own heavens…Each act of love actually affects every other being. When we feed a starving kitten, we nourish All Beings.
Cut and paste from Wiki: *The space between atoms may not have much matter (other than a few electrons) but it is still affected by fields – wiki check quantum field theory – which fill the space and impact upon anything that enters the space! So, the 99.9999999% is not really empty in the ‘nothingness’ sense of ‘empty‘!
What if we decide to call that other stuff…that 99.999999%….LOVE ENERGY? Isn’t that a cool idea!
This changes so much for me…just by concentrating on LIGHT and LOVE, I can change the world. I no longer have to fight…I can just love. That sure takes the pressure off.
So we are all ALL…and we can each change the world because all that “empty” space is something…it’s the love, the energy, we each manifest and move through…we swim in, inhale and exhale…we are God floating in Love creating more Love.